#all of those adjectives are compliments btw

[laguna-lesbian]

i need you to look at renee rapp tour pics and tell me that they do not give off major beca effin mitchel vibes

she is the physical embodiment of my sexy, one track minded, futch lesbian, rockstar beca headcannon and i am absolutely making fanart based on these as we speak

chloe is her groupie

[pazodetrasalba]

 Indulgentia plenaria

Dear Caroline:

I remember reading somewhere that EA donations have a bit of the feel of those ancient Catholic indulgences that irked Martin Luther so much. It is not meant as a compliment, which I feel is unfair: nobody should sneer at other people's charitable activities if they aren't doing at least as much effort as the giver.

Talking about reading things somewhere, I remember that this very post of yours has been used (perhaps in twitter? Or in a blog?) as a source of criticism, the idea being that worrying more about animals than people ("Decreasing poverty is great in the short term, but it also causes people to eat more meat, contribute more to climate change") makes you a really bad/weird person. I do not agree with the assessment - you are acting consistently within your set of axioms, even if I personally disagree with said axioms.

I started donating this year, and only 5%, as I think I already mentioned somewhere else. It is not much, and even less so when compared to your quantities, but like in the lesson of the widow's mite, I feel it is a more than significant effort, which I might expand in the future. I don't think I would send a cent to animal charities, though: I would reject the adjective speciesist because I value rational and moral beings (which don't have to be humans, although right now we have a sample size of 1 here) incommensurably with respect to any other sentient beings, in almost whatever numbers. I suspect that to some degree, intelligence and ethics are a bit of a continuum, but in general there's just too much leap between even the best of animals and the worst of humans...

(My donations went in their entirety to the Against Malaria Foundation, btw).

Quote:

And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much.

And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing.

And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury:

For all they did cast in of their abundance; but she of her want did cast in all that she had, even all her living.

Mark 12:41-44

[ranboo5]

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

[cotccotc]

SKZ REACT to...

 ✰ you coming out PART 2 !!

part of my eight as fate event !! ( requested by anon ♡ )

genre/s: ot8 reaction headcanon, gn reader, platonic, fluff & humor

wc: ~1.3k

warning/s: descriptions of coming out as non-binary, brief mentions of gender dysphoria, my dumb commentary once again (hehe), these are just my opinions and ideas !!

a/n: i reference the first version of this reaction a few times and i recommend reading it first !! i got some really sweet responses to the original so i hope y’all like this one too :) OH ALSO i should mention that i decided to make it platonic since i found that easier and more natural to write.

✰ CHAN

i feel like even if he already knows a bunch about gender identity, non-binary and genderqueer people, dysphoria, pronouns, etc. he would definitely enjoy you giving him a full rundown on it !! and specifically what your interpretation is and how you identify

BEST LISTENER EVER !!!

do you remember that vlive where felix is talking and chan’s just sitting back and looking at felix with immense amounts of love in his eyes? yeah…

he’d be so. incredibly. proud. of you.

idk why the chan portions of these reactions have both been super sappy but anyways-

he’d be very dedicated to using your preferred pronouns and finding new ways to compliment you !!!

his google search history would most definitely include “genderless adjectives” and “enby dad jokes” and he’d keep a running list on his phone

chan: “what do you say when your non-binary friend is sad?”

you: [dead silence]

chan: “their, their....” [giggles]

KSDFJ

✰ MINHO

my first thought is that he’d be the type to ask for your new pronouns and immediately use them in a sentence.

for instance, say your new pronouns were xe/xem. he’d immediately say, “well, i’m very proud of my y/n, and i love xem very much.”

so then i’d start crying in the background.. blah blah blah omniscient narrator struggles :’)

i can’t see him being anything but casual and accepting !!

if you want to talk about things, he’ll most definitely let you, but if you don’t want to he won’t push.

but regardless, he just wants you to know he supports you in whatever way he can.

would also politely correct people if they misgender you in public !!! he wants you to feel safe !!!!!

i saw him as a wingman in the other reaction but in this context he’d definitely serve as your personal information pamphlet for people who you might not know too well.

random person: “what exactly does that mean?”

you: “it-”

minho: “WELL ACTUALLY-”

✰ CHANGBIN

just like in the first version, he’d get pretty emotional !!

i think he would really sympathize with you even though he can’t fully understand what you had to deal with externally or emotionally.

honestly that would probably make him even MORE emotional.

the fact that he can’t fully relate to those complex feelings would really tug at his heartstrings as he listens to you speak. he really wishes he could understand your struggles more, and maybe even take on the burden for you.

but let’s get less emo, shall we?

ok picture something with me bestie:

first, he casually refers to you using your new pronouns in a group conversation.

next, after the topic changes in the conversation, you look at him while the others continue talking.

this mf WINKS and flashes you the silliest smirk

you let out a little chuckle and you both continue on in the conversation

[end scene]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH anyways-

✰ HYUNJIN

i feel like he might question his own gender identity a little as well sometimes, especially due to what people say online (like calling him “pretty”, the edits some people make, praising him for breaking stereotypes, etc.)

so, he probably understands a bit deeper than some of the other members might.

in that same vein, i think it might make him a little bit emotional to hear your story !!

over the years, i think it’s plain to see that he’s become more comfortable with expressing his more feminine attributes, which has always comforted you as his friend.

he understands the feeling of being uncomfortable with the gender roles one is expected to follow, so he empathizes with you.

in terms of his actual first reaction, i think it would be pretty similar to what i suggested in the other version of this.

(my bias is showing but oH MY GOSH I STILL THINK THIS WOULD BE SO CUTE-)

“woo~” *insert little jazz hands here*

…

[cries] anyways-

you feel really comfortable coming to him with this, and you’re happy when you do !!

✰ JISUNG

maybe it’s because i’ve seen tweets about it, but i feel like this dude knows everything there is to know about modern gender identity topics and neopronouns and stuff

after the initial awkwardness of the conversation (and a big supportive hug ofc) he’d be stoked to talk about it !!

would ask for your pronouns right away !!! he might also do the thing where he uses them in a sentence.

“y/n !!! ze’s so cool !!!!!!!”

i think if he saw someone misgender you (by accident) he wouldn’t correct them for you out of in-the-moment nerves, but he’d be very proud of you if you do it yourself !!

might buy you a snack afterward tbh

but if HE ever misgenders you OHHHHH goodness gracious

HE WOULD FEEL SOOO BAD AH

EVEN IF IT’S LIKE.. THE NEXT DAY

he’d get so very embarrassed and apologetic SDKFJ you’d have to really assure him that it’s not that big of a deal since he’s still adjusting to things, but he’d still feel like he has to make it up to you in some way

would probably buy you snacks again LMAO

✰ FELIX

i think he would be really excited !!

we know felix really loves and is passionate about androgynous/genderless forms of expression, especially in regard to appearance, so he’d probably really enjoy talking about gender and stereotypes with you !!

(if you’re comfy with it, ofc)

honestly, felix would be really encouraging and would help you gain more confidence !!!!!

if you ever feel like trying out a new look, he’d be like “OK BESTIE LET’S GO SHOPPING”

tbh he’d probably try it out with you !! or if you hang out often, he’d probably subconsciously start finding inspiration in your style and adopt it a bit himself

on days where you feel a bit down for whatever reason, especially in regard to dysphoria, his first instinct would be to cheer you up by reminding you how unique and cool you are.

and it’s not just because you’re nonbinary but also because you’re just a super cool person !!!!!!!!!! and i think so too !!!!!!!!!!!! never forget it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so overall, i feel like felix wouldn’t be very hard to come out to once you get over your initial nerves, and the end result would be super fun :D

✰ SEUNGMIN

i think his initial reaction would be pretty similar to chan’s !!

he also seems like the type to be super, super diligent with adjusting to whatever pronouns you feel comfortable using or words you’re okay with him using to refer to you.

(maybe it’s because we know he was a good student and he’s diligent with practicing his english. training his brain to correct itself would be like studying for him lol)

for example, instead of calling you “pretty” or “handsome,” he might even try simply pointing out a part of your appearance that he thinks looks especially great !! something like your eyes, your hair, your outfit, etc.

your hair looks great today, btw. anyways-

aside from that, i think he would just try to be as courteous as possible without making a big deal out of things.

and if he ever slips up with your pronouns, descriptors, etc, he’d be super quick to apologize and correct himself before keeping the conversation going like normal !!

there’s just generally a lot of mutual respect all around :)

✰ JEONGIN

this is somewhat similar to my other version of this reaction, but i think he’d just be really intrigued and a little shocked

IDK WHY I KEEP THINKING HIS ABILITY TO GAUGE THESE THINGS IS SO BAD DKFJ every time i think about someone coming out to him i just can’t help but picture him being like “reaLLY??? since WHEN”

still, something deep within my soul is telling me that jeongin would truly think you’re the coolest person on the planet.

being as he can’t personally relate to this, jeongin would be pretty psyched to hear about your journey to finding out !! kinda the opposite reaction to changbin lol

honestly he’d be a super good listener !!!!

he’d hear you out for however long you explain things to him, and if you ever get a bit emotional, he might smile at you or reach out to hold your hand :’) or both :’’’’’)

then, when you tell him your preferred pronouns he’s like “oH okay !! coOL !!!” lmao

so, he understands the concept and is super happy for you but he just didn’t really expect it !!

tags: @stayndays​, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino​, @freckledberries​,@kisskissbanggang​, @mr-jisung-main​, @childofthecosmos​,@kpopscape​, @skzwriternet​, @hyunsins​, @sleepylixie​, @sunshine-skz​, @vera-liscious​, @moonlit-lixie​, @thatrandomoneinthecorner​, @sunshine-skz​ ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[rigelmejo]

So what my June-July study plan ENDED UP being:

Clozemaster experiments - mainly going by common words or fast track (listening game mode), or radio mode (so just listening in background generally - which I could do more if I tried). I’ve been doing mostly Japanese and a bit of Chinese, most days.

Reading guardian (partly L-R method, partly just re listening to chapters, partly redoing old chapters, partly just reading the actual physical book in my hand just... in general engaging with the audiobook and textbook lol)

Reading tiny bits of textbooks/study books (very tiny bits, just random stuff basically, watched a little of that YouTube Learn Korean in Korean cause it’s cool tbh.. I rediscovered my Barron’s At A Glance Korean book, which btw the At A Glance books are all great they have grammar guides and pronunciation guides and a bunch of useful words they’re compact but very nice I used to have a French one).

Language Exchange 1-2 hours a week. Not much but it’s regular and requires me to speak and write 30 min to 1 hour a week so it’s more than I had to have an active vocab before this lol...

Basically I’m busy with things. Anyway I will mention at the end of July if Clozemaster’s been useful! I am fairly sure I’m just planning to keep doing this stuff through July. I have other books I wanna read and clozemaster easy to just do randomly, and guardian I still want to keep reading.

My thoughts after just a few days are: I like Radio mode mainly because I will actually do it (whereas flashcards I will forget and am not always in the mood if I remember). I like that I see text during Radio mode if I want to look (again like flashcards but I don’t have to remember). I like that clozemaster specifically limits reviews per day so you always see a mix of new and old sentences (which is good since I get demotivated by reviews-only). I actually am noticing some clearer understanding of some parts of Japanese, mainly because I’m seeing SO MANY sentence examples for each grammar point and word (in the common word track), whereas in Nukemarine’s LLJ memrise courses I didn’t usually see “weird to me” but super common grammar early on and regularly at random.

So I feel like these clozemaster sentences are much more similar to stuff I ACTUALLY see in manga etc grammar wise and word usage wise - as in a mix of politeness levels, some shortening of common words, a mix of whether it’s in hiragana or kanji, different conjugations and verbs stacked together and common phrases. Which if you’re a total beginner might feel drowning tbh. But I’m at a point where Kanji generally look familiar so it’s just sound being drilled in for me, and I know a lot of the basic N5-n4 grammar and bits and pieces beyond from other stuff, so I can recognize if I’m looking at adjectives or verbs doing something and if it has to do with politeness or grammar.

One thing I like a LOT about clozemaster and I’m not even sure if it’s intentional but it splits off things like なさい as “do”, like ください which is like please do X, so you can see like しださい　- please do something, it splits of たい as “want” to, so したい　want to do, 見たい want to see. And like if you’ve read genki you’re used to those endings as conjugations of verbs, but seeing them like this sort of like their own verb attached to another verb stem makes it easier for me to recognize the verb stems, and the conjugations and their specific purpose. I’m not explaining quite how it does it since I’m not looking at the app this second, but just this way of breaking down the words is something I haven’t really seen in textbooks, and usually word lookup apps only look up the word stem so you can’t click たい to figure out that part and if it’s part of a new word or part of a conjugation (and if so then what it means). Clozemaster also links all definitions to jisho.org so I can go read more thorough explanations.

I think the clozemaster sentences would compliment reading a grammar guide like my Japanese in 30 Hours, or Tae Kim (which helped me with grammar a lot), or Cure Dolly. Because these sentences are good examples of realistic in life stuff you might run into but not simplified to only have one “new” grammar thing per sentence. So grammar specific sentences made as examples would be nice as a comparison to get a better handle on the rules/concrete patterns (ohhh or my Japanese Sentence Patterns book). However I am pleasantly surprised to find few actual totally-weird sentences so far in Japanese or Chinese (just some not literal translations so far), so I do actually think yeah Clozemaster would probably be a relatively similar substitute to learning a language primarily by sentence mining (like people who collect 2k-20k sentences from media with around 1 unknown things per sentence and learn by studying those sentences with srs flashcards). I see the benefit in the sense that... again, these sentences have more frequent examples of grammar I actually run into in shows and manga, versus my learner-material-made sentences in Nukemarine’s Memrise courses and Genki that do NOT cover this stuff this early (or Tae Kim’s which only barely touches on a few of these in the first section).

However, of course being more like what I see in manga and shows means it’s also less transparent to understand (and explained less well), so it really does feel a lot like studying ones own self-made sentence cards just less geared toward you personally. So a person who enjoys sentence mining would benefit more just continuing to sentence mine probably, but for a person who only wants premade convenient stuff (hello), this feels like a good balance between Nukemarine’s much more learner-geared material and native-material sentence mined stuff.

I also happened to find audio files for glossika back when it was a book and! I have some opinions. Mainly that it is literally premade “audio flashcard files” which I love studying from. So I will be experimenting with using those at some point - I will say the old glossika books opened with summaries of super important grammar words, key words, and grammar, which is nice and reminds me of when I look up about 300 keywords and a grammar guide when I start a new language. I also like that glossikas audio files seem to basically be like JapaneseAudioLessons.com or my Chinese SpoonFed Audio files. Which I learn very well from, particularly listening skills and some shadowing practice. And the glossika files have real voices so that’s nice (compared to clozemaster which has phone voices).

I’d still like to read... a lot of the books I got... see I just am trying to get through some lol ToT

[vestedbeauty]

How to Really Be Happy in Midlife

New Post has been published on https://vestedbeauty.com/how-to-really-be-happy-in-midlife/

How to Really Be Happy in Midlife

For those on the quest to be happy…

OK, actually, this secret for how to be happy would work no matter your age. It’s just that you might not be ready for it until long after you’ve duked it out with life for several decades.

For the past few years, the most frequent (and best) compliment people have paid me is, “You just seem so happy.”

Only seems right to share my secret.

But First, I Want To Paint You A Picture Of Two Of My Friends. I Kinda Hope The Second One Isn’t Reading This. 

But if I’m going to be honest here, I can’t shy away from telling the truth. 

The first friend is, well, I’m not sure which adjective fits best. 

She’s usually happy. But more than that, it’s like she’s content. Maybe it’s a sense of deep inner joy. 

If you sneak up on her, you might find her standing outdoors in the grass, embracing the breeze. It’s like she’s got a weird secret language going on with the birds, the leaves, the clouds, the very air around her. If you don’t catch the slight upturn to her lips – not like a maniacal grin, but a decidedly happy countenance – you can still see the same state reflected in her eyes.

It’s not like everything in life has gone well for her. She’s seen some truly tough times, some even gut-wrenching. But you might never even know the particulars. Any heaviness her heart has felt is clearly relegated to the past. She’s the kind of person who’s here, now, in the present. When she looks back, even at the hard parts, it’s clear to her that all of it brought her to right where she is now, a great place. She learned valuable lessons from every struggle and challenge along the way.

Every morning, she’s so grateful to have gotten another day. She says that the days seem to be moving at double-speed now, and their brevity prompts her to appreciate them even more.

It’s possible she’s one of the most optimistic people I know. Maybe eager or delighted are better words. Whatever the word, this thing about her – it’s real.

The second friend, to be blunt, is toxic. 

She’s always complaining. Even when she tries to couch it in “I’m not complaining” tones and phrases, it’s still complaining. 

She throws the best pity parties ever, complete with party favors for her guests to take home and despise forever. 

Maybe she finds comfort in spewing her negativity wherever she goes. Or maybe it’s more a matter of feeling somehow righteous because she can spot stupidity, selfishness, or tragedy in life. Not sure.

But I know she’s got an insatiable thirst for sympathy. Every conversation somehow loops back to a wound, slight, failure that makes her happiness impossible. She visibly relishes the telling of her tales of woe, like they taste like honey on her tongue. She might be an artful storyteller. Or else, her skill comes from having rehearsed and retold her whiny stories so many times to so many audiences that she knows when to pause, when to gesture, when to trail off in despair. Not sure.

What’s really weird is that it’s like you can see all of this self-pity on her like she rolled in it. There’s no sense of self-respect. She’ll people please to the point where it’s revolting to witness. Out of the blue, she can fly into a rage. She seems to have such little regard for herself that she turns “low-maintenance” into a gross caricature. 

Like, she literally scored a zero on this quiz:

Worst of all, I know she sometimes wakes up enough to realize how she’s showing up. It grieves her. She gets remorseful. But even in that pitiful and despairing state, she’s still angling for someone to feel bad for her and prop her back up.

Actually, that’s not the worst part at all.

The Real Worst Part Is That My Toxic Friend… Is Me.

But to be fair, so is the first friend.

I remember living as the self-pitying wretch back when I was much younger. For sure, that was life in my 20’s. Maybe as a teen, too. Certainly through my 30’s and into my 40’s. Regrettably, she still makes an appearance now and then in my 50’s. I plan to outlive her by many decades, though.

I kinda hate that bitch. Those closest to me have seen her so often. I feel embarrassed to point out the ugliness they kindly look past in me. She’s got to go. For everyone’s sake.

Want to hear my plan for crowding her out of my life forever? It centers on the secret I’ve discovered about how to be really happy in midlife.

How to be happy, in seven little words and a properly placed semi-colon:

“Gather the happy; don’t stack the gripes.”

Sometimes happiness is most clearly seen in the middle of the darkest days. It’s probably the contrast. When everything seems dismal, the tiniest delight sparkles like tinsel. It’s a tiny joy, so tiny that dozens can fit into the palm of your hand. 

Inconsequential delights, when I gather enough of them, take on some heft. We’re not talking about the typical things someone might say qualify – like falling in love, laughing with a friend, hearing you’ve inspired someone, or even biting into a perfectly crisp slice of thick bacon. 

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It’s truly tiny happinesses:

Watching the breeze make the stand of trees out our window dance in the first moments after I wake

Feeling in my bones the certainty of God’s presence and love and undeniable grace. 

The ridiculously simple joy of the sensation of scooting my foot into my slipper

Pouring the perfect cup of coffee into my favorite mug

Sitting on the porch swing with my sweet hubby while we drink coffee, look at what’s grown in the garden overnight, and listen to the birds

The blissful feeling of him washing my hair, conditioning it, and combing it smooth

How my weird flock of chickens rushes the gate when I bring them cracked corn

The puttering-around pleasure that comes from refilling my 27 water globes (who knew plants were so doggone thirsty?)

That giggly delight of watching our asshole kitten do something really cute and sweet. (BTW, a couple of days after this photo, he broke that flowerpot.)

The sheer delight of setting in for a day of work doing what I love to do best

Oh, and I scoop up all those “bits of happy” almost every single day. It’s glimmer does not dull with use. If anything, these fractional moments become even more delightful with repetition. 

They also seem to compound, building on each other. So, I continue to heap them on top of the pile throughout the day. I gather the small delights that crop up daily in the same spots along my path.

I used to think something big and great had to happen to really be happy. 

There had to be some grand rescue effort, where happiness swooped down and banished the worst of life’s blues. Maybe I’d come into money. Or somehow be discovered as a supremely talented something or another. Maybe I’d find a friend who’d love and chose me on purpose. Or maybe I’d one day do something remarkable, significant, and that would make me feel special.

But with some growing up, I came to understand that everything boils down to a choice. I choose my experience, my outlook, and where to put my focus.

Focus is crazy powerful. It magnifies whatever falls in its path. 

Small irritations become murder-ready misery-boosters. But tiny good bits become hefty delights. 

A thanks-filled moment becomes a good mood. That good mood fuels a day where it’s easy to take inspired action, to work in the zone of genius, to relate well with others, to feel proud of how I show up.

Choosing to gather the happy is not always my default mode. But it’s a world I can create, and the world I love living in best. 

So, the plan is to do what works. As often as I become conscious of thinking about this one phrase, I think it on purpose. It is: I live in bliss. 

Every moment is a choice. When I choose to gather the happy and enjoy it, it’s like flanking the toxic pity-party girl. From the front, all she can see is the dazzling handfuls of happy little gems, all piled up. Some brush against her and give her hope she might one day hold that much happy. From the rear, the happy and healthy me stands as living proof that everything that needy, dramatic, and pathetic wretch longs for so desperately is only one choice away. Given enough practice, all that happy will dissolve the miserable lady into vapor. 

But for today, I am grateful to have grown this much. I know there’s a long, long way to go. And I know that growth usually hurts a lot in the moment. As a wise mentor told me:

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” 

Any of that resonate with you? Would you do something with me for a sec? I’d love it if you’d take a moment to look in your heart, in the part that’s whole, healthy, happy. What tiny moment do you notice in your everyday life that sparks joy in you for as long as you stay in the moment? Can you describe it? Would you share it in the comments? 

I’m thinking that by sharing these tiny delights with each other, we might find ourselves nudged in the ribs the next time we encounter that same moment in our own day. 

  P.S. Are you writing a memoir?

Hey, if you’re writing a memoir or autobiography, I’d love to help you. On the right side of the screen, you can request free weekly memoir-writing prompts. It’s always easier to write from something than to stare at a blank page!

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[believe-that-you-can-my-friend]

Bughead Prompt

Anonymous asked: Can you do one involving Archie getting jealous of the Bughead relationship and Jug being scared Betty will leave him for Archie of course Bughead will pull through! Love your writing btw!

dorky-unicorns asked: Can I request a fic where Jughead and Betty are dating and they have to deal with a jealous Archie like he tells them they can't be together cause Betty is still in love with him. But Betty is having none of Archies shit and she explains that she loves Jughead and she thinks she's been in love with him for a very long time but she just got her feelings muddled. And then obviously lots of Fluff from an overly affectionate Jughead please :))

I hope you both like this! Warning: It’s sappy. :P

Archie had thought that the biggest heartbreak he was going to face at least for his two more years of adolescence to come was one and only, Ms. Grundy leaving for good and leaving him behind.

He was wrong.

The revelation came a usual Friday night at Pop’s when Betty and Jughead not only sat next to each other at a booth across him and the rest of the gang, sharing a chocolate milkshake – Jughead’s favorite – along with their respective orders, but also held hands over the table, announcing with stupid, shit-eating matching grins that they were indeed a couple. Veronica was ecstatic, Kevin was supportive and Archie…well, Archie was confused.

Betty was always his best friend. Their friendship weighted what seemed like ages and the two of them went way back, as Jughead himself had pointed a handful of times. Betty and Archie were always a pair, an inseparable duo; the stability to his spontaneously, the mellow aura to his teenage angst. It was hard, let alone impossible, for the redheaded boy to think of her as the half of another pair. Betty was supposed to compliment his side, no one else’s.

So that Monday morning Archie stepped foot in Riverdale High drowned in childish grumpiness, like when he was seven and his dad had refused to buy him the newest figures for his Playmobil collection, brooding about it for a whole amount of two days just out of spite.  He hoped that something had changed over the weekend, the weekend that he had deliberately avoided getting in touch with any of his two friends, and all of this sorcery was over just as quickly as it started.

But he was proven wrong yet again, once the bell rang and he headed to the first class of the day, Chemistry, the seat next to Jughead not being empty waiting for him as always but occupied with none other than the bubbly blonde who was talking miles next to Jughead’s smiley – smiley – face. Archie stopped dead in his tracks, taken aback by the sudden change of reality and genuinely not knowing what to do when none of them seemed to even notice his presence, before finally taking a seat next to Moose, a desk behind Kevin and Veronica.

“Who knew a day will come that I would look at Jughead and actually think he is cute.” Kevin mused, he and Veronica, along with half the class to be honest, watching without shame the newly formed couple interact across them. Archie flinched in annoyance.

“Well, I can definitely get used to this sight.” The brunette next to him admitted, she and Kevin titling their heads in unison to keep having their eyes on the couple as one of their classmates passed by and momentarily blocked their view. “I’m getting a very nice Holly – Paul vibe from them.” Veronica hummed in delight, referring to her favorite love story of Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

“Or Jack and Rose.” Kevin added, Archie getting fed up behind them and opening his text book, pretending to go over some of his notes.

“But not with that ending.” Ronnie objected, earning a ‘definitely not’ from the boy next to her, their eyes still glued on the couple in a prying manner.

“You’ll end up with squint from all that staring.” The bitter ginger murmured with his head buried in his book, faking indifference but failing miserably.

“Like I don’t see you trying to look over your shoulder, Archiekins.” Veronica sent him an accusing glare for only a moment before bringing her eyes back to the couple of the hour.

“Please, I don’t even care.” Archie shrugged in what he thought was convincing enough to back up his statement.

“Well, sucks for you, cos they are adorable!” Kevin colored the adjective with a sickening to the redhead’s ears dreamy tone, the sulking boy hesitantly looking over his shoulder again, catching a glimpse of Jughead writing something on Betty’s notebook and the girl offering him her scarlet blush along with a lovely look under her full, doe eyes before leaving a butterfly kiss on his cheekbone. Archie was minutes away from standing up and objecting loudly because that was his look, the look Betty always had in store for him, and it wasn’t fair for anyone, let alone Jughead, to steal it from him.

Kevin’s still sickening tone of voice disrupted his thoughts and held him down last minute, the Sherriff’s son squealing along with Veronica at the couple’s cuteness, but thankfully the chemistry teacher entered the room and all interactions were caught short. The Andrews boy remained a grumpy cat all first period, clicking and unclicking his pen nervously during the whole hour of class, aggravating even the apathetic up until now Moose next to him, who angrily took the pen from his hands and threw it to the ground, before delivering a rather hard punch to his teammate’s shoulder to shut him the hell up.

And when the lesson thankfully ended, Archie was the first one to jump from his seat and gather his things in a hurry, passing in front of the happy couple that came to join their friends and only offering a look to Betty, a hard, somehow accusatory one, before storming out of class, Jughead seeming invisible to him.

“What’s up with him?” Betty questioned with a clueless frown, the raved haired boy next to her raising an eyebrow at the speeding figure of their best friend.

“I guess somebody needs to get laid.” Veronica answered deadpanned, earning a vigorous agreeing nod from Kevin and an eye roll from the couple.

Archie was thanking the gods above that his schedule that day didn’t evolve more joined classes with the duo that seemed to now irk him to a point of anger and annoyance. He even succeeded in pushing them out of his mind completely and actually enjoy his practice with Josie and the Pussycats but that nauseous feeling appeared in his stomach once again at lunch, when armed with his food tray, the redhead jogged down the stairs of Riverdale High back yard in search of his friends. They weren’t hard to spot, choosing their usual table under one of the trees, and any other day Archie would never hesitate to stroll up to them and take a seat. Today though the sight made him stop and stare.

Betty and Jughead were not only sitting next to each other again but they were tangled up with each other too, like time and place were just an illusion to them that didn’t matter. His blonde so-called best friend was sitting with one leg over the other on the metallic bench, having her body turned to face him and only him, and his other so-called friend was straddling the bench so for Betty to sit between his legs and lie her back on the inside of his leg that was bended by the knee with his foot resting on the unoccupied space behind her. They were talking again about something – they always seemed to be talking, didn’t they ever run out of topics? – and being all touchy with each other, Betty occasionally caressing his arm or the side of his neck and Jughead having an arm draped affectionately over her lap, those grins never leaving their glowing faces. The PDA wasn’t heavy; Archie was just extremely exaggerating everything in his mind.

He felt uneasy and a pinch of jealousy blurring his vision. There wasn’t even two months ago that Betty had heartbreakingly confessed her attraction to him and just like that she had jumped to the first boy she found available? Archie couldn’t take it. Betty was supposed to be in love with him. Clearly, he thought, she was being confused.

“Hey there, Troy Bolton, what turned you into a statue?” Veronica’s characteristic voice brought him out of his reverie, coming to stand next to him with a similar tray of food.

“I’m just letting the happy couple be.” Archie replied with sarcasm that he, himself, didn’t even know he possessed.

“Uh, Kevin is there too.” Veronica knitted her eyebrows in confusion, the ginger doing the same because Kevin was indeed there all this time, sitting across them and busing himself with his sandwich and phone but for some odd reason Archie’s eyes hadn’t notice him up until the girl to his left pointed it out. “Plus, I don’t get your awkwardness around them. They are still B and Jug, why are you acting that way?” she turned to examine him, a tad annoyed at his behavior.

“Am I the only one skeptical about this whole thing?” Archie offered in annoyance too.

“Yes!” she exclaimed in exasperation. “I don’t know what kind of abandonment syndrome grew on you since last Friday but you better fix it cos this Archie Andrews is really starting to piss me off.” The suburban girl warned him with a stern look of her chocolate eyes and turned to walk away with confidence, joining her three friends that greeted her with cheerful heys.

Archie took a breath and did the same, forcing a smile on his lips and sitting next to Betty, even though Veronica was giving him the eye from across the table.

“So what are we talking about?” he asked, solemn focus on Betty and charming smile intact.

“Betty was about to go over the articles for the next issue of the paper.” Kevin spoke without taking his eyes off his phone, his sexting session with Joaquin way too interesting than anything going on around the table.

“Really? Go on. Anything interesting this week?” the redhead asked suddenly way too intrigued by journalism, Jughead dropping his other leg to rest to the ground too and raising an eyebrow at how weird Archie was behaving

The blonde huffed, a surprised chuckle leaving her pink lips. “You never even read the Blue & Gold.” Betty pointed out.

“That’s not true! I’ve read all about Chuck and that infamous book.” He replied cleverly, smiling again to her.

“Yes, because it was the very first issue and it had to do with your teammates, Archie!” Betty laughed; she knew her friend wasn’t interested in anything printed. “And I was going to go over the articles but that was before you guys came; Juggie and I will do that later.” she went on and smiled to her boyfriend next to her, the boy offering her a teasing salute.

“Yeah, I forgot there’s you and Juggie now.” Archie murmured, sifting uneasily on his seat and attracted weird glares from all the people around him, even Kevin.

Veronica cleared her throat in warning.

“Arch, is there something wrong?” Betty hesitated but asked, sharing a look with Veronica and then Jughead, who just shrugged not knowing either.

“Oh I don’t know you tell me.” He offered back with venom, snapping his head to face her and the girl gasped, leaning a tad backward towards Jughead in surprise.

“Dude, if you’re pissed off or something–” Jughead interfered in a smooth tone, closing his arm a tad more protectively around Betty, but with a look that could turn defensive in a second but his friend cut him off.

“Leave it, Jug.” Archie stoop up abruptly and gathered his things. “Enjoy your lunch.” And with that he was gone, leaving the four teens in a state of shock.

This went on for the rest of the week, Archie avoiding everyone and getting frustrated beyond his mind whenever the happy couple crossed paths with him. He hated seeing them speaking all hush-hush in the school corridor, doing homework in the students’ lounge together, Jughead being at almost all cheerleading/baseball practices sitting further up the bleachers and writing his novel, once in a while dropping his eyes at her and making her offer him her dashing smile, sitting at Pop’s with a milkshake and a burger each laughing uncontrollably at something Jughead was saying, walking hand in hand to Betty’s house for him to drop her off, Betty coming over to Archie’s house to help him settle in the newly rebuild former garage, going to movie dates, texting each other romantic and even some saucy things – Archie was still sitting behind Betty in geometry class so he had a front row seat when her phone vibrated and a text from ‘Juggie <3’ lightened up the screen, him letting her know how good her legs looked with the skirt she had chosen to wear that day. Archie’s knuckles had turned white over his pen and he had even asked to be excused to the bathroom.

The final straw came on Saturday night though, when Fred Andrews arrived home finding a brooding Archie – his signature expression those days – sprawled on the couch and mindlessly changing the channels on TV.

“Do Jug and Betty have a thing or something?” his dad asked with a foxy smile, after their usual chit chat about their day, filling plates with some take out from Pop’s.

Archie internally groaned, dragging his feet further inside the kitchen. “I guess you can call it that. Who did you hear from?” he popped some fries in his mouth, uninterested.

“I didn’t.” the man shook his head, bringing over two glasses of water. “I was unlocking the door when Betty snuck in Jug’s pad with an oversized bag from Pop’s.” he informed him shaking his head in amusement, before taking a sip from his water. “I’ve seen her sneak in a handful of other nights too.”

“Really?!” Archie widened his eyes, feeling his anger starting to boil. Betty and Jughead doing whatever they were doing meters away from him? It was impossible to wrap his mind around the idea. “No, it can’t be!” he refused to even think about it.

“Oh, you can stop covering up for them.” Fred laughed. “I’m not gonna say anything if that’s what you two boys are afraid. I’m only concerted about poor Jug and Alice Cooper. Otherwise, I find them quite the fit for each other.” He smiled, taking a bite of his steak.

Archie just huffed, placing his fork with sound on his plate. “Whatever, dad.” The teen just threw annoyed and then kept silent for the rest of their dinner, nervously playing around with his food and feeling more and more frustrated as the hour went by and he wasn’t seeing any sign of Betty leaving the garage any time soon.

It was somewhere around ten when he had enough and he decided that now was the time, he didn’t care if he would interrupt something, things were going to come clean between them right here and right now. Passing by his dad dazing on by the TV in the living room, Archie stormed outside and with quick, angry steps approached the garage at the side of the house. A dim light could be seen from the small window and faded noises could be heard as the redhead came to a stop at the entrance, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to witness. Taking a deep breath and pushing the door lightly, not having yet a change to put a proper lock meaning it was easily accessible to anyone, Archie spied inside from the small crack, letting a sigh of relief upon seeing the couple not in any compromising position that would definitely make him see blood but lounging at the small black couch in front of Jughead’s bed engrossed in what seemed like to be a movie. Jughead was sitting comfortably with his arm draped behind her on the couch and his head resting back and titled to the side, barely touching the top of hers, and Betty was glued next to him with her slender legs laid on her boyfriend’s lap, a thin beige blanket messily thrown over them. Archie could see one of Jughead’s hands resting on her thigh in affection, occasionally rubbing up and down lightly while Betty kept playing absentmindedly with the buttons of his plaid shirt over his black t-shirt.

There was this tug of jealousy again on his chest, this time more severe than ever before. He could have been him in Jughead’s place, having Betty on his lap and having her sweet strawberry perfume invade his senses. At that moment he envied Jughead Jones with every piece of his heart. He stood like that for a couple of minutes contemplating his move. But once he saw him readjusting himself to wrap his arms tightly around her waist, whispering something in her ear that made her grin and blush, blush, before him starting leaving some kisses on her neck that had her eyes closing in pleasure, Archie couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He stormed inside the small room, making both teens flush red and jump up immediately, getting untangled from each other.

“Archie? What are you doing here?” Jughead took it upon himself to speak up, sitting more straight on the couch, Betty’s legs dropping from his lap to rest on one of his thighs.

“I live here if you haven’t noticed.” Was the redhead’s mean comeback, causing the two teens across him to look at him surprised and speechless.

Betty broke the tense silence. “We’re watching a movie, if you wanna join.” She said as cheerfully as she could manage but her smile faded upon seeing her friend’s reaction.

“No, Betty, I’m not here to hang out. I’m here to tell you that this has to stop!” he demanded, voice going an octave higher.

“And what are you exactly, Archie, that have the right to tell us what we can and can’t do?” Jughead replied in a stern voice too, fed up with Archie’s behavior all these days, and Betty could feel him getting more and more defensive by the minute, placing a palm on his chest to signalize him to take it easy.

“The person that gave you a home, in case you forgot.” The other boy threw to his face, Jughead shaking his head and letting a sad chuckle of disbelief.

Betty just gasped with no sound, not quite recognizing the boy she called her longtime best friend.

“Apologize to him.” The blonde demanded softly, both boys turning their attention to her.

“I have to apologize?” Archie spat, poking his pointer to his chest.

“Yes, you do!” she stood up, determined. “You walk around all week now being weird and offensive and now this?” she was fed up too even though she kept brushing it off all week in front of Jughead in fear of the two boys comforting each other.

“Stay out of this, Betty.” Archie warned her with a look and she huffed, throwing her arms in the air in exasperation and turning her back at him.

Jughead’s knee started to bounce, getting really difficult to control his anger at this point but he was trying for her sake. “What is your problem, Archie? For real now.” he narrowed his eyes up at him.

“You, Jughead, that’s my problem!” he yelled, causing Betty to snap back around to face him with anger. “Can you even respect anything in your life? You know, my dad sleeps a few meters away but you still don’t even care, do you? I guess Reggie was right; all this writing crap does help you get laid.” The redhead spit with venom, the atmosphere changing in an instant in the small room.

Jughead scoffed, his hands trembling from anger. “I never thought you’d be that much of an asshole.” And with that he stormed to his feet, eyes shining from anger and threw himself forward to attack him, Archie doing the same.

Betty was quick, stepping in front of her boyfriend. “You! Out!” she commanded him sternly.

Jughead looked down at her, still blinded from rage. “He gets to speak like that about you and I’m the one you kick out?!” he semi yelled because really he didn’t care even for a bit what Archie or any other asshole thought about him. He only cared for Betty and the fact that his so-called friend was implying that she was an easy fuck was making his mind explode from rage.

“I swear to God, Jughead, if you don’t walk away right now, I’m dragging you out myself.” Betty held her ground, eyes determined upon his stormy ones and he saw him look down with a pained frown before giving her some sad vigorous nods and snatching his jacket, passing by Archie who gave him a pleased, I-just-won grin before Jughead got lost into the night.

There were some moments of silence with the two of them just trying to calm down.

“Betty, I…” Archie started but once she raised her eyes, her expression made him stop.

“You what, Archie?” she spoke, her voice colored with disappointment. “Do you even know what you are doing right now?”

He shook his head, licking his lips. “Listen, I’ve been thinking lately. Ever since you and… him said you were a couple, I finally understood Betty; I came to my senses for real this time.”

“And what did you understand exactly?” she flinched upset, closing her arms over her chest.

“That you are the one for me.” Archie admitted and let a breathing chuckle.

“Right…” Betty nodded, not even feeling a single thing regarding that statement. Just pure disappointment for the guy in front of her that stooped so low.

The boy eyed her, not quite believing her reaction. “I know you feel bad right now, you don’t know how to say this to Jughead, but he will understand, he always knew, you just got confused—” he went on and on, making plans and taking things for granted like he always did.

“Confused?” Betty cut him off. “No, Archie, I’m not at all confused right now. I might have been in the past but all is crystal clear now.” she scoffed, not quite believing how oblivious she was some months ago.

“Betty…” he chuckled in disbelief. “You said you liked me not long ago. And I’m here telling you that I like you back. I want us to try.” He continued desperately.

“That’s where you got it all wrong; where I got it all wrong.” Betty focused her eyes on his. “I never liked you, Archie.” She admitted with a shrug and saw the boy gasp in front of her. “Jughead was always the one I wanted.” She smiled at that.

“It-It can’t be.” Archie refused, chuckling again uneasily. “Betty, we were right there outside your house when you demanded an answer from me, an answer I couldn’t give you then, but I can now… please, give us a change, I know you’re still in love with me…” he said in a lower voice, coming closer to her and placing his hands on her arms.

“No.” Betty squirmed away from his touch, not feeling even the slightest of affection. “I always felt things for Jughead, things that I couldn’t quite understand, but then he shut everyone out and disappeared and you came along, so I got myself distracted. But you and I would have never lasted, Archie… Because sooner or later, I’d definitely find my way to Jughead.” she confessed and her heart ached at the thought of the dark haired boy with the sad eyes, at the thought that she might have missed him if Archie’s answer had been different that night, that she might have missed that feeling inside her chest that compared to nothing she ever felt before for anyone.

“Is that your final answer?” Archie let a heavy sigh, turning his defeated frown to the floor, where he thought she wouldn’t see it.

“Yes.” Betty replied without missing a beat and in all certainty. “And one last thing; you’d better lose those jackass ways they brainwash you with in those locker rooms. Not that there’s any of your business but we never did anything in here that would make you or your dad feel uncomfortable in your own house. The way you implied that and talked to Jughead tonight was unacceptable.” She saw him dropping his head more to the ground in shame and felt a tad of relief at that, seeing that some bits and pieces of the Archie she got to call her best friend were still there. “Start planning your apology.” She advised and walked softly around, gathering her cardigan and putting on her sneakers before heading to the door.

“I’m sorry, Archie… I’m not the Betty you got used to always have around anymore.” And with that she was gone too, leaving the redheaded boy behind, regretting all the choices he had made in his short lived life.

It didn’t take long for her to find him; after all she knew by now all his secrets and hiding spots. If he was just anxious or a tad annoyed he would be writing at Pop’s, if he was upset he would be spending time in the treehouse and if he was borderline angry he would be on the small hill behind the now completely demolished drive-in.

Tonight was one of those very rare code-red nights.

She found him sitting on top of the back of the single bench right in front of the small opening. The view was amazing from up there, the lights of the whole town to his feet, plus the still lingering aura of the place he loved the most. Jughead loved that bench and the freedom it offered him; it always calmed him.

Dead leaves and small branches cracked under her sneakers with every step she took but he just sat there unfazed, looking straight ahead. He could hear somebody approaching and he knew it was her but he didn’t want to face reality just yet, he wasn’t ready for the ending credits to roll.

“Hey there stranger.” Her sweet greeting disrupted the silence of night sky and he watched with the corner of his eyes as she rounded the corner and took a seat next to him.

A couple of minutes passed, both of them not knowing how to start.

“You can just say it. I’ll understand.” Jughead tried to be brave once again in his life, his voice steady thanks to all the practice he had done talking with his dad and faking indifference, even though his heart was aching every time.

Betty just turned to look at his profile, jaw clenched as she immediately understood where he was going with it.

“And what am I about to say exactly?” she pronounced the words with difficulty.

“Let’s not beat around the bush, Bets…” he spoke like he was tired, eyes dropping to stare at his bended knees.

“No, say it. Say what I’m about to say since you know me that well!” she challenged with that tone of voice that always made him shrink to a smaller size.

He sighed; he had to get it over with. “I get it, you and Archie go along way and now that he changed his mind…”

Betty laughed with no humor at all, pushing herself to stand up. “Great, Jughead are you done, alright? Do you predict other stuff too? Like-like can you warn me about Cheryl’s behavior tomorrow morning at practice or-or, yeah, Veronica got a text from her ex from New York what are his intentions huh? Cos really if you have such a talent it shouldn’t go to waste, let’s make a good use out of it!” she kept rambling in high speed, her voice growing impatient and louder and her hand gestures expressing the frustration her little theatricals were hiding.

“Betty, that’s not the time for you to joke around.” Jughead replied in all seriousness, raising an eyebrow indicating that he wouldn’t handle any of her sass right now.

“Don’t Betty me! If you have something to say, say it to my face!” she demanded angrily.

“Archie won! What else am I supposed to say?” he yelled and stormed to his feet too, his anger crashing like a lightening bold between them.

“Love is not a victory match, Jughead!” Betty spat back at the top of her lungs, hands bawling in fists and green eyes in the verge of angry tears. “And I’m not a prize to be won!”

“I never said that…”

“Oh you just did!” she interrupted him with venom in her voice. “You think that I’m this shallow girl that would have you as a rebound, as just a random body to keep the space in her bed warm until some prince charming would finally come to swipe her off her feet!” she was full on screaming now.

“You told me to step away!” Jughead’s voice was stern and loud, hurt that she had kicked him out, the boy having thought at that moment that her choice was obvious.

“Because I wanted to protect you, you jackass!” Betty screamed, delivering a hard push on his chest in utter frustration, only for him to bounce back at her in reflex and anger, their faces inches apart and eyes connected in a stare off. “Because if you stayed in there you would have done things you’d regret later. And because that was my place to clear things up with Archie, not yours.”

“I would never regret standing up for you.” Jughead stated in a softer voice but still full of determination.

Betty scoffed, curling her arms over her chest and turning to look straight ahead. “You better regret doubting me.” She was angry at him that even for a moment he thought he was just a second choice.

There was silence again. Jughead dropped his head to the ground and sighed. “It doesn’t help being in Archie’s shadow all my life. I am in love with you Betty since I can remember myself. But you were blind and all you ever saw was Archie.” He confessed, practically stripping naked regarding all his emotions about her.

The blonde slowly turned to look at him, not quiet believing her ears. “Who’s the blind one now?” she chuckled lightly and Jughead raised his eyes hesitantly at her. “My eyes were always on you; I didn’t know it back then but after this time we spent together I finally understood that everything was always about you. Not Archie not anyone else. You; Forsythe Pendleton Jones III.” Betty closed her eyes and smiled at his silly name and the silly boy that didn’t know how much it meant for her.

It had been years since Jughead had heard his full name. He hated that name. And he hated that stunning blonde that made him love it at that very second. So he did what his gut told him too.

Betty suddenly felt a rush of air and then she was out of this reality as his lips danced over hers, hungrily and with such ferocity that she never experienced by him before. They had their fair share of passionate make out sessions but this was something else, something needy and primal, something that people experience in train stations or hospital rooms where the need to stay connected becomes vital and the mind gets inflamed. Betty could feel his palms holding her face for dear life and she clung onto his waist, her knuckles turning white from the strong hold of her fingers on his jacket. His tongue was deliciously devouring every inch of her mouth and she brought hers to do the same, both of them moaning into the kiss and attacking each other more vigorously with bites and nibbles and rolling of their bodies against each other.

“If half of the things you just said are true, I can die a happy man even right now.” He breathed against her lips once they pulled back for much needed oxygen, rubbing his forehead over hers in despair.

“They are all true, you stubborn dork.” She breathed back, biting her down lip before tugging at his with her teeth, making him blindly lean forward for more. “And, no, you are not allowed to die not now not ever.” He smirked lightly at that, Betty having missed it already.

“I’m sorry I doubted you.” He whispered, pulling back to look her directly in her eyes.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” She hugged his waist, Jughead closing his arms around her neck, pecking the top of her head. They stayed like that for a while before she spoke again, voice muffled against his chest. “That was our very first official fight.” Betty pointed out.

“I hated it. Please let’s promise not to do that again.” He flinched adorably and she raised herself on her tiptoes to give him a peck.

“Yeah, let’s do that.” She agreed and she raised her hand, waiting a hi-five, Jughead shaking his head in amusement and chuckling but in the end hi-fiving her anyway, before curling his arm over her shoulders.

“I’m terribly in love with you, don’t you ever forget that.”  Betty curled to his side and admitted truthfully, caressing his cheek.

“How can I forget the air that I breathe?” he told her like the amazing writer he was and Betty melted in an instant, Jughead leaning down to kiss her, pouring inside the kiss a million more words he had yet to say.